stories of grace, hope and life beyond cancer

February joy


Where did January go? I can’t believe it is already February and I have yet to put pen to paper! I love February, in spite of its biting cold and the feeling of never ending winter. I love February because it is the month of my boy’s birthday!

This time next week my big boy is turning three. Hooray!!

He is so excited! He is having a little fireman party which he is thrilled about and he talks every day about his birthday. He sadly still hasn’t overcome his dislike for cake (read more about that here!) although he did amazingly have one tiny bite of a friend’s Frozen/skiing themed birthday cake on Saturday. He said it was “ok” (which wasn’t hugely encouraging considering I had made the aforementioned cake!)

Nevertheless, he is determined to have a birthday cake of his own. A few days ago he said, “Mummy, for my birthday, you can make me a beautiful fire engine cake… But I’m not going to have any of it!” For some inexplicable reason he is also adamant that while the rest of us will eat party food on his birthday, Daddy should be provided with yogurt to eat!?! So it looks like Joel will be missing out on this fire engine cake too! πŸ˜‰

Just like Jonty I am also really excited for his third birthday. But for quite different reasons.

For me, anticipating this third birthday kicks up a whole lot of emotions and a whole lot of memories.

When my cancer was first diagnosed I was so sure that it would kill me. And soon. When I was diagnosed I decided that my goal was to live until this beautiful baby, who was then just eight weeks old, turned three. Just three more years, please God! I obviously had no way of controlling or ensuring that this would happen, but still, this was my aim.

I figured that as I have a few memories from when I was three that if I could just live until then, maybe, just maybe, my beautiful boy would remember me if I was no longer around. Maybe he would remember the intensity of my love for him, how wanted and cherished he was by me. Maybe he would remember my voice or my laugh or the way I sang to him or rocked him to sleep. Maybe he would remember just one of those things…

If I could just make it to his third birthday.

And so now here I stand, just one week to go until the moment that I wished for so fervently.

Just one week to go and I am so thankful.

I am so grateful that I am not yet a distant and hazy memory in Jonty’s mind, that he doesn’t need to remember how I loved him because he still knows it in his every day. I am so grateful for each day’s hugs, laughs and even struggles, because they mean I am still here. I still get to love him and share this crazy, wonderful and beautiful life with my crazy, wonderful and beautiful boy!

Happy birthday precious boy!


4 thoughts on “February joy

  1. Beautiful and admittedly this post made me cry! My friend Maxine who died last year left two precious children behind but I know that they will always have a part of her in their hearts and as they get older I shall tell them about their wonderful mummy.
    Jonty is proof of the wonderful parents you are and I am so glad he has the blessing of having his mummy around to carry on being a part of making life a wonderful journey for him and his daddy.
    Look forward to seeing photos of the cake too!! xx

  2. So precious, both you and Jonti. We are all thankful to the Lord that he carried you through these hard times and that today you can throw snowballs at each other. Your precious family will always be loved by all of us down south where the sun is shining and the sky is blue. Lots of love, Em

    • We rejoice with you, dear Cath. Never get tired of telling the story as one generation commends His works to another; telling of His mighty acts and declaring His wondrous mercy and grace. It is always so encouraging.

  3. Cath, I love your blog posts. Found this one particularly moving. Our little Anna is a very similar age to Jonty, she turns 3 in a couple of weeks. How wonderful that you are able to enjoy and relish in each day with Jonty in such a vibrant and thankful way. Amazing.
    Keep writing!
    Sarah (Knedel, from Holy Trinity days) x

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